Lisa Hopkins: Say What You Need To Say

Why do we so often place more value on what others think of us, than how we think about ourselves?  How is it that we believe that if someone else likes us, or what we do, or say, then we must be okay? 

Transcript

Say What You Need To Say

I often wonder why we so often place more value on what others think of us, than how we think about ourselves. 

How is it that we believe that if someone else likes us, or what we do, or say, then we must be okay? 

In a world where “likes” are a barometer for whether or not we are showing up in an acceptable way, we try to please, attract and impress as many people as we can, and then live in fear that someone won’t approve or respond in the way we had hoped, or expected them to. We’ve gotten so good at dividing ourselves into smaller and smaller pieces, that we end up stretched thin, pleasing no one, with an empty tank.

We compound things further by playing relationship politics; often pretending we are okay when we are not, and then getting frustrated or even angry when no one notices how we really feel.

We’ve all been there.

At what point did we start to lose our ability to tap into how we factor into the equation, and instead multiply the distance between who we really are and how we are showing up? 

Do the math. It doesn’t add up.

We can’t be everything to everybody but we CAN be everything to ourselves. In fact we are the only common denominator. The prime number. Whether we feel like it or not WE are in control.

I know that it seems easier sometimes to go with the flow than to share our own thoughts or ideas or to ask for what we want or need, but I promise you, relying on others to define our worth is a zero sum game. Never, ever  underestimate how valuable you truly are.

There are more than 7 Billion people in the world most of whom will never know you ever existed. And of the ones that do, how many really know you?

When you emanate from who you truly are, it isn’t important that everyone agrees or likes what you say or do - the important thing is that it matters to YOU!

Everyone will not always like what you have to say  AND THAT’S OKAY! And if they do, that’s great too! Either way you are not defined by the way that they want or expect you to be anymore. It’ll be messy and imperfect sometimes but it’ll be yours.

Life is way too short to try and please everyone. The best way you can contribute to the world is by showing up for yourself. And by saying what you need to say you give permission to others to do the same.

And so I leave you with the words of John Mayer:

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

You'd better know that in the end

It's better to say too much

Than never say what you need to say again

I’m Lisa Hopkins, thanks for listening. Stay safe and healthy everyone and remember to live in the moment.