Festive or Frazzled? How to Avoid the Holiday Letdown

High expectations can cast a shadow over the holiday season, setting us up for disappointment and stress. Imagine finding yourself in a moment of holiday malaise, as I did, where a seemingly innocent hike turned into a confrontation with my husband. This episode draws from Chapter 58 of my book, "Places when there Are Spaces: Cultivating a Life of Creative Possibilities," sharing a candid story of how differing approaches to holiday preparation can lead to tension. As we explore the impact of media-fueled ideals, we uncover how our inner critics amplify stress and hijack the joy we're supposed to feel.

Join me on a reflective journey from holiday stress to comfort, as we reveal the transformative power of pausing and embracing the present moment. By releasing the burdens of expectation and aligning with gratitude, there's an opportunity to reconnect with the season's true essence. This conversation is a heartfelt invitation to reevaluate the pressures we place on ourselves and our loved ones, offering insights into finding joy amidst the chaos. Whether you're in the throes of holiday prep or seeking a moment of peace, discover how to create space for gratitude and embrace the abundance already present in your life.

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Transcript

Lisa: 0:23

Hey there, as joyful as the holiday season always presumes to be, the limiting beliefs of how things are supposed to be are so ingrained in us that we practically set ourselves up for failure before we even begin. I don't know about you, but I know that sometimes we place such high expectations on ourselves and others this time of year that if we aren't feeling festive on cue for whatever reason, we feel cheated, as if we're missing out on the joy that everybody else seems to be engaging in. It's pretty much a sink or swim, win or lose affair, complete with regrets of things you wished you had or hadn't said. A countdown to the inevitable holiday hangover. Welcome back to the podcast, guys.

Lisa: 1:11

I'm going to share with you today a chapter 58 from my book called Holiday Hangovers. Again, this is an excerpt from the Places when there Are Spaces Cultivating a Life of Creative Possibilities, and it just seemed like an apt reading for today. I don't know about you, but there's a lot of stress associated with this time of year and well, with your permission, I'm going to go ahead and read this little excerpt from my book. It was nearing the holiday season and, after a perfectly lovely hike in the snow, I was inexplicably overcome by the kind of feeling that can be best described as malaise. I just love it when a word perfectly fits the feeling. The fact that it's a French word and that I was in la belle province makes it even more of a bon mot. The Oxford Dictionary defines malaise as a general feeling of discomfort, illness or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify. And it arrived unannounced and without notice or provocation. And instead of just noticing it was there and, contrary to everything I know as a coach, I acted upon it. I lashed out at my husband. I was negative, confrontational and just plain ugly, which, as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, means unpleasant or repulsive, especially in appearance. It's an apt description of my behavior that day. So my husband has no problem not thinking about holiday preparations until the last minute, whereas I find myself trying to perfect everything ahead of time. Maybe it's my theater background. I just love staging and take pride in creating spaces for others to experience, to host, produce and direct.

Lisa: 3:09

Our different approaches to holiday preparation have the potential to create tension between us. When I'm in the mood and he is not, like when he's busy with non-festive activities and I would rather him help me string the lights outside and look. To be honest. The irony is it's not actually his help I'm after. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. It's my expectations of what decking the halls is supposed to look like, all wrapped up and delivered courtesy of the media. Making things worse, when I'm stressed, I'm not tapped into knowing what I truly want or need, let alone communicating it to others. I sometimes fall into the trap of disguising my expectations by hinting and dropping clues, testing my loved ones and setting them up for failure, and all to the tune of.

Lisa: 4:06

It's the most wonderful time of the year. As each calendar year comes to an end, it's easy to become hijacked by the fear of time running out. In our quest to show up joyfully with all the fixings, holidays can become hot boxes for expectations, exhaustion and overwhelm. Our inner critics and self-saboteurs crank up the volume in our heads like a song on repeat, replaying all the things we said we would do, reminding us of what we haven't done. All those expectations you hold for yourself, for the season and for those you love are normal. But just because they're normal does not mean they are required.

Lisa: 4:58

Remember that snowy day when I was wrapped up in my malaise and I lashed out at my husband because he wasn't helping me decorate. Well, when I took a moment to stop and breathe, my malaise began to transform into its antithesis. Do you know what the opposite of malaise is? Comfort and well-being. When I allowed myself enough space simply to stop for a moment and breathe, it transported me back to the present, to reconnect with gratitude for what truly is All. My expectations fell away because I realized that I had already had everything I needed. In that moment, I realized how incredibly grateful I was for my husband and to be able to celebrate with loved ones. I also came to appreciate that if I didn't string another row of lights or hang another wreath, I'm already enough. I have everything I need for a joyous holiday season. The only light needed, well, is the light that shines inside of me, and I wanted to remind you the same to give yourself the gift of living in the moment and allow yourself access to connecting to all the joy that you have inside you already. And when those expectations threaten to take you down, remember that you are enough.

Lisa: 6:37

So that was an excerpt from one of my brief chapters from the book, and each chapter is its own little morsel of mindfulness. And at the end of each chapter is a prompt, and the prompt that I'd like you to consider for this reading is this. This reading is this Make a list of all the reasons why you are grateful for yourself. Again, make a list of all the reasons why you are grateful in this moment for yourself. My friends, that's where the bright light of joy begins, today and all season long from within you. Thank you so much for spending time with me today, as I shared an excerpt from the Places when there Are Spaces. My hope is that it brought you a little moment of reflection and inspiration.

Lisa: 7:34

This holiday season. Why not gift yourself or someone you love the opportunity to pause, reflect and savor life's unplanned moments? It's the perfect way to share the gift of mindfulness and creative possibilities. You can find the link to the book in the show notes or pick up a copy anywhere you buy books online. I'm Lisa Hopkins. Thanks so much for listening. Stay safe and healthy, everyone, and remember to live in the moment. Magic in the moments we create.