💡 Coaching Insights: How to Stop Spiraling and Live in the Moment

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Chapters

• 0:46 Challenge of Living in the Moment
• 1:19 Understanding What Spiraling Means
• 2:12 Discernment vs Black-White Thinking
• 4:19 Defining Personal Spiraling
• 5:51 Finding Alternate Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:23

Well, so I have a really hard time living in the moment. Like that is probably my biggest challenge in life. I'm constantly thinking, uh, both positively and negatively, about what the future holds. Um, yeah, I'm always like, okay, here are all the possibilities and here's everything that can go wrong. And, um, I definitely, um, am trying to work on like not spiraling and and being more present and living in the moment.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Yeah, when you think of spiraling, what does that, what does that conjure for you? I mean, think of it all. Like what does that mean? Spiraling, do you know what I mean? Like it's a thing that we've been trained to go. I'm spiraling and my tank is empty, or I'm, I'm out of control. That's what to me, that's what that conjures I'm out of control. Free fall, yes, exactly, and that's friggin scary.

Speaker 2: 1:25

So, first of all, when we, when we way and we assign words to it, right, because they're just symbols Words are just symbols, but words. Our brain files out the unnecessary information. Right, because it can't take in everything. But when it hears strong words like spiraling, it goes we're spiraling, put your defenses on, put your yellow vest on, you need help and I'm here. I'm going to help you Because you know this is you talking to yourself? And if we can start to actually A like, be really granular with the words we use, first of all, what does spiraling mean to you? You're going to start to realize it doesn't mean you're standing on a cliff and falling to the bottom of the Grand Canyon or wherever, and spiraling is on a spectrum, if you want to, for that matter. Right, like, sometimes you feel shitty. Sometimes you feel really shitty, sometimes you just want to die shitty and sometimes you feel, ah, not so shitty, just a little shitty and it's. You know, we are diverse humans. Every day we're diverse, so we're not a type. So, even though everyone thinks of Lisa now as the living in the moment person, which is fine, we do that. We make labels so that we can understand things.

Speaker 2: 2:36

Now, when we talk about ourselves and say things like you just shared, I'm afraid of spiraling. Who's not afraid of spiraling? I mean, that's a smart thing, that's a smart instinct, but you're not actually spiraling. So the thing that you're running from, there's no actual lion that's going to run you off the cliff, right, and this is where discernment comes in, not black and white thinking where you go, either I'm okay or I'm not okay.

Speaker 2: 3:01

You need that if you're in a life and death situation, my God, we need that. But you don't need to practice that because it's built in, it's totally built in, so you can let go of that. So when that fire alarm goes off in your head, you can say wait, what's really true here? Wait, okay, spiraling Really, and get curious about it, right? So forget about the fear of it. That's normal. There's nothing crazy about you for being afraid of spiraling. Nobody wants to spiral.

Speaker 2: 3:31

But the real question that you need to ask yourself is am I spiraling? What does spiraling look like? It looks like, I don't know, all the lights go out in the bookstore and, you know, my partner leaves me and my dogs die, and I mean I don't know like, but create the worst case scenario. And, yeah, you laugh and I mean because it's not true, right, okay, so so what is your definition of of spiraling? You know, or maybe there's another word and maybe there's a, maybe there's a you know more of a spectrum of you know, or does it make sense? Am I making sense?

Speaker 1: 4:06

Yeah, yeah, I mean, and I for me, spiraling is, is is kind of getting to that worst case scenario, okay, and because part of me feels like I should be, I should prepare myself for that Totally, but I know that it's's the.

Speaker 1: 4:25

The likelihood of it is, you know, very small and yes and um, but what you said about when the fire alarm is going off in your head, what can you um, I forget how you phrase it, but like what facts can you pull out of that? Like what's real and what's just like your mind going? And I think that's probably something I should work on practicing, because what's going on in my head is is imagination, that you know, and what, what do I know to be true at this moment, and that's not what's going on. But yeah, spiraling is, as Leslie said, free fall, just like my mind just goes all over the place and bouncing from here to there and, just you know, keeps rolling.

Speaker 2: 5:13

If, at a time that you're feeling that way and we all feel that way sometimes, so you're not alone when you're feeling that way and you have the thought you know, or or you know the sentiment I'm spiraling, how does that make you feel?

Speaker 1: 5:28

Oh, not great.

Speaker 2: 5:32

Can you get more granular about? How does it make you feel sad? Does it make you angry?

Speaker 1: 5:35

Does it make you feel anxious, just really yeah, yeah, not great.

Speaker 2: 5:40

When you're feeling anxious, what do you do?

Speaker 1: 5:48

I just keep thinking about all the things. You just keep thinking, I do, I just keep thinking.

Speaker 2: 5:56

So if you were able to have an alternate thought, even if you didn't believe it, what would that thought be?

Speaker 1: 6:06

I mean, I think I'd like to be Continue to think about what is true at present and what is in my control now, and not think about what I can't control, about the possibilities in the future that may or may not come true.

Speaker 2: 6:30

So if you were just to distill that down into an alternate phrase to I'm spiraling, what would you want it to be?

Speaker 1: 6:41

I'm living in the moment, yeah.