💡 Coaching Insights: When Passion Turns to Pressure

Ever felt like you're pushing a boulder uphill trying to help someone who just won't budge? This powerful coaching session tackles the exhausting cycle of trying too hard to create change in others when they're not ready to receive it.

We explore the fascinating shift from operating out of obligation ("I have to do this work") to approaching your passion with a sense of privilege ("I get to do this work"). The coach acknowledges their tendency toward intensity and overwhelming others with information, leading to the counterproductive response of resistance and shutdown.

Through thoughtful dialogue, we uncover how language shapes receptivity. When we approach others with empowering rather than frightening rhetoric, we create openings instead of resistance. The breakthrough moment comes when the coach realizes that offering "a little bit of information" creates more excitement and opportunity than overwhelming people with everything they "need" to know.

The conversation beautifully illustrates how our helping instincts can sometimes sabotage our effectiveness. By shifting energy from pushing to inviting, from overwhelming to empowering, the coach discovers a path to sustainability and greater impact. This session highlights the delicate art of helping others change - not through force of will, but through connection to values and the excitement of possibility.

Whether you're a coach, parent, teacher, or anyone trying to influence positive change, this episode offers practical wisdom on how to approach your important work with less frustration and more effectiveness. Try shifting your language from "they need to know" to "they get to discover" and watch what happens!

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Chapters

• 0:46 Identifying the coaching struggle
• 1:28 Sustainable energy for effective work
• 2:15 Finding a new operational approach
• 3:47 Shifting from "have to" to "get to"
• 6:51 Creating empowering client language
• 8:59 The power of small information

Transcript

Client: 0:23

it's hard to explain and hard to get people on board when it feels too hard to change.

Lisa (Coach): 0:30

So it's interesting because you're talking about the difficulty of it and then you're also talking about the person that you want to be with or to help. So it's hard for me and it's hard for them. Hard.

Client: 0:40

Yeah

Lisa (Coach): 0:41

so yeah, I'm hearing that.

Lisa (Coach): 0:42

And so, when things are difficult, what do you do? How do you operate when things feel difficult?

Client: 0:49

I get behind the rock and I push.

Lisa (Coach): 0:52

Oh, okay, and how is that? How's that working for you? Is that is that?

Client: 0:58

Uh, exhaustion, futility, uh, frustration, yeah, yeah.

Lisa (Coach): 1:07

So that makes sense and, first of all, kudos to you because it's important work. So I understand that it's coming from a passionate place of really wanting to do that, and the frustration is real, because when we can really see the benefits of something and someone else cannot, it becomes very, very difficult. As we know, we can't make people feel a certain way. So the key here is to well, keep you in a sustainable energy so that you can do what it is you do best. I, you know, I've no doubt you're really good at it. Can you? Can you acknowledge that? Yeah, yeah. And so what? What might be a different way for you to operate, because you can control that?

Lisa (Coach): 1:55

So I'm curious, cause you're right now in the push phase. You're at, you're at I have to, and you're frustrated and you're almost you're, you're oscillating between I have to and I can't, you know. And then I'm hearing I have to choose one or the other, and I'm hearing that you don't want to choose one or the other that education is important to you and you know, and the programs are important and that they intermingle. So where is the intersection that helps you operate at a more sustainable level? Because it's really about you at this point. It's not about the program, it's not about them. It's about where you can be the most effective.

Client: 2:32

There are a couple of different answers to that, One of which is if I, maybe I need to get better at sales and understanding the language that will motivate people instead of scare them. So there's a certain amount of. I would feel better if people felt empowered from my language rather than daunted.

Lisa (Coach): 2:55

Yep, that's a great insight.

Client: 3:02

Energetically I could probably back off with the I need to know factor, like I can get pretty intense about this stuff because people just don't know and it's critically important. So I guess a certain degree of detachment. I Like I'm just offering this and if you want help I can help you. We can make it fun. It doesn't have to be hard, because getting people off the dime has really been a challenge.

Lisa (Coach): 3:41

Yeah, and it sounds like there's an opportunity here to maybe approach it differently and look at it differently. Make it a quarter, not a dime, you know, but broaden a little bit and soften, as you said. And so you know, the empowering language piece is a great insight. You know the acknowledgement that I can be very intense. You know, when we really know or feel we know what is best for somebody, it's just so frustrating that they cannot hear it and you know you have the answers. But until they're ready for the answers, no amount of, as you said, pushing, you know, behind the rock pushing is going to move them. So awareness is huge and awareness is broad. Awareness and allowance and detachment, as you said, is what's coming up for me in terms of the operation system for you. Does that help you at all? Does that open up any new possibilities for you?

Client: 4:42

Yeah, it's a matter of grounding and centering and facing the work from I get to do this teaching instead of I need to. Yeah, how does that feel? It feels like work.

Lisa (Coach): 4:57

That's your brain coming in.

Client: 4:59

Yeah.

Lisa (Coach): 4:59

It's resisting you, that's normal, that's good, that's your edge, this is great. So I'd like you to. It'll be hard, but I'd like you to say I get to do this work because just I get to. I get to just until you run out of things.

Client: 5:15

I get to because I get to do this work because it gets to use my talents, and I get to do this work because the information can be life-changing. I get to do this work because small changes make big impact. I get to do this work because I want to keep myself busy.

Lisa (Coach): 5:39

That's great. That's fantastic. So I'm going to stop you for a second. Imagine that I am the person that you really, really want to get to, and I want you to again, just by saying I want you to embody and say to me why Not from frustration, Come from what you get to do from me and go to your heart space and tell me why is it going to help me?

Client: 6:04

By working with me, you will have the knowledge and tools to take empowered action to improve your health and the health of your family, to prevent.

Lisa (Coach): 6:18

This is great. You're really good with words. I want you to feel it, and the words might not be perfect, maybe it's difficult for you, but I think it's a good space. I mean, you talked about empowering language. It's difficult for you, but I think it's a good space. I mean you talked about empowering language. Empowering language comes from you, not from the internet, but until you connect with it doesn't mean anything. So I could say to you I see so much strength in you and I know that if we work together and if it was a good fit that you could open up, you could open up your world, and that the possibilities are limitless and that you know the answers. You know all the answers. I just know how to ask the questions for you to get there. Can you feel that? Can you feel me really wanting to share it with you? Yeah, so with your work, try to share it with me.

Client: 7:07

With a little bit of information, with a small amount of tools, you can feel empowered, that your choices are serving you and your family in the best possible way for your longevity, your energy and your ability to embrace the life you want to have. That's fantastic.

Lisa (Coach): 7:28

It's a good thing you got a want to have. That's fantastic. It's a good thing. You got a recording of that. That's great language.

Lisa (Coach): 7:36

You started with a little bit of info. That's the exciting part, because what you're running into is that there's so much information that they need to know. And let me tell you, when you have a kid and you say you need to know this, they shut down, they don't listen and the only thing they can control is not listening to you, and that's what people do. It's like when the salesperson comes in right, I need to know that you have tasted the Kool-Aid and that you love it and that you want to give me a glass. So when you started with a little bit of info, that's exciting. So put the excitement on that, because I won't close.

Lisa (Coach): 8:10

But if you start to say all sorts of things, I start to go yeah, yeah, I know I should, I really I feel like I'm in, I should. You want to shift me to? I get to, oh, I get to work with you, because then I get to live a healthier life and I get to be with my children. And you know my values, because health if I don't have my health, I can't live up to my values. Right, that's the intersection. Does that make sense? That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, cool, thank you for playing.

Client: 8:36

Thank you for playing my pleasure.