💡 Coaching Insights: When YOUR Strength Becomes THEIR Expectation

Have you ever felt misunderstood because people reduce you to a single trait? This powerful conversation dives into the frustration of being labeled "optimistic" when what's really at play is something much deeper – authentic values of curiosity, connection, and openness.

We unpack the significant difference between toxic positivity (the forced brightness that refuses to acknowledge difficulties) and genuine engagement that stems from core values. As one participant notes, "I'm not just some dainty June" – highlighting how these mischaracterizations can prevent others from taking us seriously or seeing our depth and complexity.

The discussion reveals a fascinating paradox: our greatest strengths can become weaknesses when others expect us to embody them constantly. When we're skilled at presenting as positive or energetic, people come to expect that performance, creating pressure to maintain it even when it conflicts with our authentic state. The key insight emerges – rather than defaulting to our signature strengths in all situations, we can place them "in our toolbox" as reliable tools without letting them define us completely. This creates space for developing other aspects of ourselves and showing up differently across contexts.

This conversation speaks to anyone who's felt boxed in by others' perceptions or struggled with honoring their authentic self while meeting external expectations. As we hear, "we're not monochrome here" – a powerful reminder that human beings are multifaceted and deserve to be seen in their full complexity. How might you start placing your signature strengths in your toolbox rather than letting them define your entire identity? Listen in and reconsider how you express your authentic self in a world that loves simple categories.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Misconceptions About Optimism
• 1:33 When Strengths Become Weaknesses
• 2:53 Beyond The Monochrome Self

Transcript

Lisa: 0:23

because it's not optimism,

Client: 0:25

right,

Lisa: 0:26

but I think I'm hearing that people receive you as being optimistic and label you that way, and that's not what. That's not what you are or mean it might. It might show that way and that might be how we label you. Yeah, but I think what you're talking about is exactly what you just said, which is a deeper belief,

Client: 0:43

yeah

Lisa: 0:44

,

Lisa: 0:44

right, and openness,

Client: 0:45

yes

Lisa: 0:46

, um, in the in the bigger.

Lisa: 0:47

Yeah

Lisa: 0:47

, right?,

Client: 0:48

yeah

Client: 0:49

, yes, I

Client: 0:49

agree

Client: 0:49

.

Lisa: 0:50

So

Lisa: 0:50

there's no like toxic positivity. You don't turn it on or turn it off or, you know, make lemonade out of. You know lemons or whatever I see, I just see that you're able to access that place of of curiosity, of what's important to you connection. I'm hearing all your values are coming out right, yeah, no, it's really interesting and it's not optimism. In fact, probably, if we dug deeper, you'd probably go screw this optimism. Yeah, right, I mean, you know that's how you're seeing me now, but you're not with me every moment of the day, right, right, no, I get that and I see you and I, you know, I honor you for that. I really do, because I get that a lot too.

Lisa: 1:30

So I can relate, yes, I can absolutely relate to that and it's um

Client: 1:35

well

Client: 1:35

, it's frustrating because sometimes then people don't want to take you seriously and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, you know, I'm not just some dainty June, no, no, you know.

Lisa: 1:44

Or

Lisa: 1:44

when you are trusting the environment, you're in enough to just maybe not be so on, because you're not actually feeling on which is actually honoring your value of authenticity. Sometimes you can't honor that value, because to be authentic would be to sort of be less than energetic at this moment, because it's expected from the others. And that's what happens, right, when we, when we're good at things, no matter what they are right, we get put in those boxes because people expect it of us and because we can do that, we do it

Client: 2:17

Right.

Lisa: 2:17

That's when our strengths sometimes become our weaknesses, unless we just put them in our toolbox, because it's something that we can always rely on because we've got it on lock, but we don't have to default to it, and that allows us to develop these other areas that you know we will see ourselves differently and allow ourselves to show up differently and be more contextualized, because we are, you know, we're not monochrome here.

Client: 2:44

Yeah,