💡 From “I Should” to “I Could”: Releasing Shame and Reclaiming Choice

Have you ever noticed how a simple shift in language can completely transform how you feel? In this enlightening episode, I share a powerful insight from my conversation with the incredibly talented Kristen Anderson Lopez about what I call "energetic choice."

We dive deep into the transformative power of shifting from "I should" (which keeps us trapped in shame) to "I could" (which places us in capability) and finally to "Do I want to?" (which restores our power of choice). This simple but profound linguistic shift completely changes our relationship with ourselves and our decisions. Through personal examples and practical wisdom, we explore how these subtle language changes can liberate us from shame-based thinking and reconnect us with our authentic desires.

The conversation naturally extends to how we perceive others. We discuss the liberating truth that everyone is always doing their best in any given moment with the resources they have available. Rather than judging the person looking at their phone while walking up subway stairs, what if we engaged our imagination to create empathetic possibilities about their situation? This creative reframing not only exercises our empathy muscles but prevents us from creating unnecessary suffering for ourselves through judgment.

This episode offers a refreshing perspective on how language shapes our reality and how small shifts in thinking can create profound changes in our daily experience. Whether you're struggling with self-judgment or finding yourself irritated by others, these insights provide practical tools for bringing more compassion, choice, and even playfulness into challenging moments. Stay tuned for the full conversation with Kristen Anderson Lopez dropping next week on "Stop Time Live in the Moment" – but in the meantime, this nugget of wisdom might just transform how you move through your day.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Energetic Choice
• 1:46 From Should to Could Without Shame
• 2:28 Reframing Judgment with Empathy
• 3:33 Using Imagination to Overcome Annoyance
• 4:12 Why Create Your Own Suffering?

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:23

Hey there, in this episode, my coaching insight comes from a conversation that I had with someone whose work I admire deeply. What started as a casual exchange turned into a powerful reflection on a core tenet of what I call energetic choice. So often we trap ourselves in shame when we say I should, but what happens when we shift to I could and from there ask do I want to? We explore how language shifts energy, how to reframe judgment with empathy, and why using your imagination and humor might just save your day. My full conversation with the wonderful Kristen Anderson Lopez drops next week on Stop Time Live in the Moment, so be sure to check that out. But in the meantime, I invite you to join us for this quick little nugget that we shared and see what resonates with you. Let's dive in. I call, I should, I could, with shame, ah. So you lose the shame and then you're standing in could and you're standing in capability, and then you're back in choice. I could do that. Do I want to?

Speaker 2: 1:37

I love that. Now, why is it shame?

Speaker 1: 1:40

Because Think about it. Every time you say I should, there's shame Because you're like I should because, or I should have. I heard you say sometimes look back and say you should have. You know you could have done that. You chose not to Right. What can I learn from that? When we're looking back and should, it's great to really lose the shame and then to live in that you know that's something I could have done, but I didn't. And guess what? We always do the very best Right. I could have done, but I didn't. And guess what? We always do the very best Right, always, in every moment. In retrospect it's easy to go no, no, that wasn't very good, not true? Nobody plays to lose, nobody Right. Yes, that's where we get to have empathy for others instead of judging them Because even though they're not showing up in a way that we think is very good, they're doing the best they can.

Speaker 2: 2:30

I do love. That is such a great reset in in those moments that you're like, even when you're like, why are you looking at your phone while you're going up the subway stairs? And then you just have to tell yourself like I'm sure she's doing her best, like maybe it's her caregiver, or you know she's getting an emergency text, or maybe she's just anxious and she's needing to touch in, like you just have to kind of reframe it and use that storytelling mind in a good way. Rather than everybody, yeah, yeah, everybody.

Speaker 1: 3:10

Totally. Yeah, you could have fun with that. You could use fun which is a value of yours to. So when you start to feel agitated is to go into that fun, creative mode and go okay, that person is really annoying and it's obviously just you know. You know it's going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring. Or you know going too slow and you know making a line in the grocery store and and on their phone and not looking up and not caring. Or you know what else could be true about this character. Oh, maybe they're talking too. I mean, you can just have fun with it and time will pass and it may be true that they were just doing bullshit on their phone, but you had fun they could have been doing the connections they could have been, or they could have been doing exactly what you were judging them for doing.

Speaker 1: 3:47

But but why? Why must you suffer? Because you're judging someone else we create suffering for, for our of our own.

Speaker 2: 3:55

Yep.

Speaker 1: 3:56

So, Preach.