💡 Stop Over-Explaining, Start Inviting — The Art of Clear Communication

We explore how the desire to connect can transform into over-explaining and dilute our message when we're driven by the need to be understood, validated, and accepted.

• The coach identifies a pattern of tangential explanations stemming from worry about listeners' perceptions
• Client recognizes her habit of constantly explaining rather than trusting her message
• Creating intentional pauses allows the message to land with listeners
• Frustration from listeners often comes from caring about the message, not disliking the speaker
• Too many details can overwhelm listeners like eating too fast
• Finding and operating from your "why" attracts the right audience
• When you trust your message, you don't need to over-explain

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:01

Hey there , in this week's Coaching Insight we explore what happens when the desire to connect becomes a need to explain and how that subtle shift can dilute the very power of our message . You'll hear a moment from a live coaching session where my client realizes she's been over-explaining , not because her message

Introduction: Over-explaining Undermines Connection

Speaker 1 0:24

isn't clear , but because she's trying to meet an unspoken need to be understood , validated and accepted . Sound familiar , this conversation is a powerful reminder that clarity starts with us . When we trust our message , we can stop over explaining and start inviting others to truly receive it . Let's dive in . But somewhere along , what you were telling us went from that very heart-centered giving place . We were with you and then at some point you went on a tangent , but not so much . It's not a some point you went on a tangent , but not so much . It's not a bad thing that you went on a tangent , except that I don't think you know why you went on a tangent , but I have a theory of why you did .

Speaker 1 1:14

Well , I have

Coaching Conversation Begins

Speaker 1 1:15

one too , so I want to hear you my theory is that you worry too much about what we think and what we need , so you have to explain it .

Speaker 2 1:23

Oh , exactly , I'm constantly explaining , yeah .

Speaker 1 1:25

You don't need to explain . Assume , assume that what you're saying is clear and it's clear because you've clarified it for yourself , and then you can allow pause . But those pauses are going to be pauses for them to think , not pauses for to say hold on , I'm taking a drink of water and listening , but I'm going to keep talking , so just don't . But . But they're invitations , right ?

Speaker 1 1:48

Yeah so that things can land . You know . All the details are not necessary . Assume that they understand and then check in and leave space , because if you truly want it to land , then you stopping is not because you need to shut up , but because you know that we're taking it in and that's where I end up just sending so much different things of , like you said , details that were relevant to me because they were my experience .

Speaker 2 2:18

but now the person is like when do I need to focus on ? And , yeah , where are we going , as opposed to I'm leading there somewhere and they know where we're taking that tangent .

Speaker 1 2:30

Totally but and not but . Also the reason we get frustrated . Well , the reason I get frustrated because it's frustrating , it's not because you have something wrong with the way you talk , it's because

Frustration Comes From Caring

Speaker 1 2:43

I care about what you're saying . It's not because you have something wrong with the way you talk , it's because I care about what you're saying . So I was really really caring about what you're saying and really really feeling it . And then when you went on a tangent , I wasn't frustrated with you , I was frustrated with me because I was like , oh God , I lost the trail . And then when you came back , you came back at the end . You came back like 10 minutes later with am I the right person for this message ? And the thing is , your stories are interesting too , right , but you don't want people to be like watching a movie , right , and going , oh , what happens at the end of your movie ? Because your point is am I the right person for this message ?

Speaker 2 3:20

Yeah .

Speaker 1 3:22

And we didn't need that story at all as far as I'm concerned . You know we have we probably all have a lot of really good stuff to say , but I think offer it so that people don't get so full that they feel like they have to , you know , go vomit because , because they ate too fast .

Speaker 2 3:40

Yeah , maybe I need to have a my elevator pitch on this is why I'm talking to you today .

Speaker 1 3:47

So you know , operating from need is exactly what you don't want to do right now . You've done that . That's what's tripped you up . So my advice would be to focus on what you do want to do and start from there and then ask yourself don't try to prove it to other people , but truly

Finding Your Why

Speaker 1 4:10

ask yourself why are you the right person for this message ? And you'll find your why . And when you're operating from your why then ? Then the right people will listen .