💡 Stop Over-Explaining, Start Inviting — The Art of Clear Communication

We explore how the desire to connect can transform into over-explaining and dilute our message when we're driven by the need to be understood, validated, and accepted.

• The coach identifies a pattern of tangential explanations stemming from worry about listeners' perceptions
• Client recognizes her habit of constantly explaining rather than trusting her message
• Creating intentional pauses allows the message to land with listeners
• Frustration from listeners often comes from caring about the message, not disliking the speaker
• Too many details can overwhelm listeners like eating too fast
• Finding and operating from your "why" attracts the right audience
• When you trust your message, you don't need to over-explain

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Chapters

• 0:47 Introduction: Over-explaining Undermines Connection
• 1:38 Coaching Conversation Begins
• 3:06 Frustration Comes From Caring
• 4:33 Finding Your Why

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:24

Hey there, in this week's Coaching Insight we explore what happens when the desire to connect becomes a need to explain and how that subtle shift can dilute the very power of our message. You'll hear a moment from a live coaching session where my client realizes she's been over-explaining, not because her message isn't clear, but because she's trying to meet an unspoken need to be understood, validated and accepted. Sound familiar, this conversation is a powerful reminder that clarity starts with us. When we trust our message, we can stop over explaining and start inviting others to truly receive it. Let's dive in. But somewhere along, what you were telling us went from that very heart-centered giving place. We were with you and then at some point you went on a tangent, but not so much. It's not a some point you went on a tangent, but not so much. It's not a bad thing that you went on a tangent, except that I don't think you know why you went on a tangent, but I have a theory of why you did.

Speaker 1: 1:37

Well, I have one too, so I want to hear you my theory is that you worry too much about what we think and what we need, so you have to explain it.

Speaker 2: 1:46

Oh, exactly, I'm constantly explaining, yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:48

You don't need to explain. Assume, assume that what you're saying is clear and it's clear because you've clarified it for yourself, and then you can allow pause. But those pauses are going to be pauses for them to think, not pauses for to say hold on, I'm taking a drink of water and listening, but I'm going to keep talking, so just don't. But. But they're invitations, right?

Speaker 1: 2:11

Yeah so that things can land. You know. All the details are not necessary. Assume that they understand and then check in and leave space, because if you truly want it to land, then you stopping is not because you need to shut up, but because you know that we're taking it in and that's where I end up just sending so much different things of, like you said, details that were relevant to me because they were my experience.

Speaker 2: 2:41

but now the person is like when do I need to focus on? And, yeah, where are we going, as opposed to I'm leading there somewhere and they know where we're taking that tangent.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Totally but and not but. Also the reason we get frustrated. Well, the reason I get frustrated because it's frustrating, it's not because you have something wrong with the way you talk, it's because I care about what you're saying. It's not because you have something wrong with the way you talk, it's because I care about what you're saying. So I was really really caring about what you're saying and really really feeling it. And then when you went on a tangent, I wasn't frustrated with you, I was frustrated with me because I was like, oh God, I lost the trail. And then when you came back, you came back at the end. You came back like 10 minutes later with am I the right person for this message? And the thing is, your stories are interesting too, right, but you don't want people to be like watching a movie, right, and going, oh, what happens at the end of your movie? Because your point is am I the right person for this message?

Speaker 2: 3:43

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 3:45

And we didn't need that story at all as far as I'm concerned. You know we have we probably all have a lot of really good stuff to say, but I think offer it so that people don't get so full that they feel like they have to, you know, go vomit because, because they ate too fast.

Speaker 2: 4:03

Yeah, maybe I need to have a my elevator pitch on this is why I'm talking to you today.

Speaker 1: 4:10

So you know, operating from need is exactly what you don't want to do right now. You've done that. That's what's tripped you up. So my advice would be to focus on what you do want to do and start from there and then ask yourself don't try to prove it to other people, but truly ask yourself why are you the right person for this message? And you'll find your why. And when you're operating from your why then? Then the right people will listen.