No More Toxic Gratitude: A Kinder Way to Be With Yourself

Gratitude can get twisted when it’s layered with pressure, obligation, or performance. Many of us were raised to *“be grateful”—*as if appreciation could be forced, graded, or used to override whatever we’re actually feeling. That’s where gratitude turns toxic: when it becomes a script instead of a truth.

In this short real-time reflection, recorded while waiting for a client, we take a gentle but honest look at the difference between authentic gratitude and the kind that’s fueled by guilt, shame, or conditions. We explore how “I should be grateful” often masks self-judgment, how resentment ties gratitude to unmet expectations, and why the phrase “I’ll be grateful when…” keeps us stuck.

Instead of bypassing pain, we talk about letting gratitude sit beside sadness, longing, disappointment, and imperfect circumstances—without pretending anything is fine. Gratitude doesn’t erase your humanity; it expands your capacity to be with it.

Together we reframe gratitude as an inside job—not a performance and not an obligation. You’ll hear real, tender moments of appreciating the ability to feel, even when life doesn’t match the wish. And we explore how to notice attachments, release conditions, and protect yourself from the kind of gratitude that silences needs or erases boundaries.

This reflection is a reminder:
 You’re allowed to feel what you feel.
 You’re allowed to be kind to yourself in the process.
 And gratitude, when you choose it, can support your clarity rather than demand perfection.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to “be grateful” while your heart was somewhere else, this is your permission slip to let go of toxic gratitude and embrace something truer, gentler, and more human.

If this resonates, share it with someone who may need relief from the obligation to feel a certain way—and subscribe for more conversations that honor the whole human experience.

Chapters

• 0:23 Rethinking Gratitude’s Obligation
• 1:13 Choosing Gratitude Without Shame
• 2:36 Attachment, Resentment, And Blocks
• 3:15 Gratitude As An Inside Job
• 4:36 No Toxic Gratitude

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Hey there. I just wanted to check in with you and talk to you a little bit about gratitude. Um gratitude can be tricky because in the world we live in, there's kind of an obligation to be grateful. Even as a kid, I remember my parents saying, be grateful. You know, you're lucky. You have more than other people, and so on and so forth. And so gratitude has kind of turned into a bit of a thing. It's like, you know, be smart, work hard, you know, all the all of these limiting beliefs. And and gosh, I wouldn't want gratitude to become something that you feel you should do. You should feel. You know what I think about should. I should is I could with shame. You can be grateful. As human beings, we have the capacity to be grateful, to access gratitude. But there is no obligation. There's no obligation to be grateful. But I promise you, if you dig deep down and think about gratitude and what it means to you, you will want to be grateful. Not because you feel like you should or have to. Or not because you can't, feel like you can't, because it's been a hard going for you, and you feel resentful or resistant to even thinking about gratitude as being something that you can access. I promise you, thanksgiving, if you want, is a time to dig into self a little bit, or at least a reminder, that you get to be grateful if you want to. So do not try to find the words to say, to sound like you're grateful. If you do not feel grateful, that's okay. But if you're feeling resentful, what is that resentment blocking? What is it attached to? I will be grateful when you're nicer to me, when I get more opportunities, etc. Do you see the attachment piece? No, gratitude is an inside job. It's for you. It's there all the time for you to access. Not to show it off, not to feel in guilt or shame.

SPEAKER_00: 2:52

I'm grateful. I'm grateful to be here right now.

SPEAKER_01: 3:06

I'm grateful to have a brain to think about what being grateful means. I'm grateful for the sadness that I feel that I'm not going to be surrounded by family on Thanksgiving. I'm grateful not that they're not going to be here, but that I am human enough to feel sad and to know that I'm okay. Just because we want something so deeply and we don't have it doesn't mean that that has to guide us. Guide our thoughts and our actions because we feel like it would be so much easier to be grateful if we had what we want. That's not how gratitude works. And all of that is lovely. But let's not do toxic gratitude, guys. No toxic gratitude to be continued. I've got a client.