Finding Light When the Holidays Feel Heavy

As joyful as the season is meant to be, the holidays can quietly carry a lot of weight — expectations, pressure, comparison, and the sense that we’re somehow supposed to feel more festive than we do.

In this episode, I share an excerpt from my book The Places Where There Are Spaces, a short reflection called “Holiday Hangovers.” It’s a story about noticing how easily we slip into expectation, how quickly joy can turn into self-pressure, and how gently everything can shift when we pause long enough to return to ourselves.

Through a moment of honesty, a little humor, and a reminder about the quiet power of presence, this episode invites you to soften your grip on “how it’s supposed to be” and reconnect with what’s already here.

✨ You don’t need to do more to be worthy of joy.
 ✨ You don’t need to perform the season perfectly.
 ✨ The light you’re looking for already lives within you.

At the end, I offer a simple reflection you can return to anytime this season — a small doorway back to gratitude, ease, and self-compassion.

If this resonates, you can find The Places Where There Are Spaces: Cultivating a Life of Creative Possibilities wherever books are sold.

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Chapters

• 0:46 Naming Holiday Pressure
• 1:32 Reading From The Book
• 2:03 Malaise Arrives Unannounced
• 3:11 Expectations And Media Scripts
• 4:33 From Malaise To Well-Being
• 7:00 Gratitude And Being Enough
• 8:20 A Prompt For Self-Gratitude

Transcript

Lisa Hopkins: 0:23

Hey there. As joyful as the holiday season always presumes to be, the limiting beliefs of how things are supposed to be are so ingrained in us that we practically set ourselves up for failure before we even begin. I don't know about you, but I know that sometimes we place such high expectations on ourselves and others this time of year that if we aren't feeling festive on cue for whatever reason, we feel cheated, as if we're missing out on the joy that everybody else seems to be engaging in. It's pretty much a sink-or-swim, win-or-lose affair, complete with regrets of things you wished you had or hadn't said, a countdown to the inevitable holiday hangover. Welcome back to the podcast, guys. I'm going to share with you today a chapter 58 from my book called Holiday Hangovers. Again, this is an excerpt from the places where there are spaces, cultivating a life of creative possibilities. And it just seemed like an apt reading for today. I don't know about you, but there's a lot of stress associated with this time of year. And well, with your permission, I'm going to go ahead and read this little excerpt from my book. It was nearing the holiday season, and after a perfectly lovely hike in the snow, I was inexplicably overcome by the kind of feeling that can be best described as malaise. I just love it when a word perfectly fits the feeling. The fact that it's a French word and that I was in La Belle Province makes it even more of a bon mot. The Oxford Dictionary defines malaise as a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify. And it arrived unannounced and without notice or provocation, and instead of just noticing it was there, and contrary to everything I know as a coach, I acted upon it. I lashed out at my husband. I was negative, confrontational, and just plain ugly, which, as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, means unpleasant or repulsive, especially in appearance. It's an apt description of my behavior that day. So my husband has no problem not thinking about holiday preparations until the last minute, whereas I find myself trying to perfect everything ahead of time. Maybe it's my theater background. I just love staging and take pride in creating spaces for others to experience, to host, produce, and direct. Our different approaches to holiday preparation have the potential to create tension between us when I'm in the mood and he is not. Like when he's busy with non-festive activities, and I would rather him help me string the lights outside. And look, to be honest, the irony is it's not actually his help I'm after. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. It's my expectations of what decking the halls is supposed to look like, all wrapped up and delivered courtesy of the media. Making things worse, when I'm stressed, I'm not tapped into knowing what I truly want or need, let alone communicating it to others. I sometimes fall into the trap of disguising my expectations by hinting and dropping clues, testing my loved ones and setting them up for failure. And all to the tune of it's the most wonderful time of the year. As each calendar year comes to an end, it's easy to become hijacked by the fear of time running out. In our quest to show up joyfully with all the fixings, holidays can become hotboxes for expectations, exhaustion, and overwhelm. Our inner critics and self-sapoteurs crank up the volume in our heads like a song on repeat, replaying all the things we said we would do, reminding us of what we haven't done. All those expectations you hold for yourself, for the season, and for those you love are normal. But just because they're normal does not mean they are required. Remember that snowy day when I was wrapped up in my malaise and I lashed out at my husband because he wasn't helping me decorate? Well, when I took a moment to stop and breathe, my malaise began to transform into its antithesis. Do you know what the opposite of malaise is? Comfort and well-being. When I allowed myself enough space simply to stop for a moment and breathe, it transported me back to the present to reconnect with gratitude for what truly is. All my expectations fell away because I realized that I had already had everything I needed in that moment. I realized how incredibly grateful I was for my husband, and to be able to celebrate with loved ones. I also came to appreciate that if I didn't string another row of lights or hang another wreath, I'm already enough. I have everything I need for a joyous holiday season. The only light needed is the light that shines inside of me. And I wanted to remind you the same. To give yourself the gift of living in the moment and allow yourself access to connecting to all the joy that you have inside you already. And when those expectations threaten to take you down, remember that you are enough. So that was an excerpt from one of my brief chapters from the book, and each chapter is its own little morsel of mindfulness. And at the end of each chapter is a prompt. And the prompt that I'd like you to consider for this reading is this Make a list of all the reasons why you are grateful for yourself. Again, make a list of all the reasons why you are grateful in this moment for yourself. My friends, that's where the bright light of joy begins today and all season long from within you. Thank you so much for spending time with me today as I shared an excerpt from the places where there are spaces. My hope is that it brought you a little moment of reflection and inspiration. This holiday season, why not gift yourself or someone you love the opportunity to pause, reflect, and savor life's unplanned moments? It's the perfect way to share the gift of mindfulness and creative possibilities. You can find the link to the book in the show notes, or pick up a copy anywhere you buy books online. I'm Lisa Hopkins. Thanks so much for listening. Stay safe and healthy, everyone, and remember to live in the moment.